BYE FOR NOW

onto the book, thank-you, see you in the fall

Here we are at the end of an arc. This only means that this is also the beginning of a new one. Endings always circulate beginnings, whether I like it or not. This new beginning is quieter. It operates in a transitional manner. I notice myself out of most loops, and that is a good thing for a person about to dive into a large project. I notice that I begin to see everything happening as if it is a film I am watching from the back row. I know this is a good sign for my positioning. It can feel a little strange after being more in the midst of things, but it also bodes well for self-directed work. I sense a summer of quietude. Home. I sense a landing of great proportions, with all of its necessary detoxes and benefits.

For most, success is based on the external. For this artist, success is based on the internal. The ability to stay with oneself and to find the comfort there is in the process of that. I will survive being misunderstood in the world, but within myself, that will be the kiss of death. I notice what I notice and forgive myself for whatever shortcomings have kept me from the studio and myself. I spend the time facing and knowing who I am. I spend time facing what I have done and where it is cumbersome now to manage within this new reality. For a change, I don’t want to flee. This is often the time in the process where I will move somewhere new, insist on travelling the world, gtfo. It is in the staying that I feel things actually shift. I feel it widening. Finding depth. I have more capacity for love, and more clarity for who it is that I do love. I am out of the one-sided loyalty game for good. Those who have stepped forward are fewer, but wow—truly the gems. Everything is more meaningful right now. I choose myself over obligation. I choose to let others in to love me who can. My life is another whole construct from the older days: I am mothered, I am fathered, I am loved most profoundly. I am in real friendships that hold me in high regard and prove so with actions. I have more skin in the game, but also more discernment then ever.

What does this all mean for the studio? Wasn’t this whole writing project about discussing paintings? The studio? On the last post, should I not report a new work, or get doing something actually creative to save face from this descent into the mundane, the everyday? I mean what kind of loser am I to have written for days on end about posting jewelry to my Etsy shop, or my sick aunt? I know. See, the charade is over. I may no longer be an artist after all. The artifice is bothersome to me now. Whatever I do moving forward will be in the spirit of what moves me—to live a creative life. I see quite clearly that it is all that matters and it is quite different than being an artist. To be of service to those I can, to enrich oneself. What more is there? I just withdrew myself from a painting competition that I had placed in. Why? I just felt it in my gut. I am not interested in any of it. The world will go on doing what it does, and I will be over here making room for myself to learn and grow in my own little corner of things in the ways that I see fit. I have never been more clear.

So, this is my last post here. Three hundred and sixty five days. I have written what I can about a creative life. Different from being an artist. Certainly an interesting journey. I am not sure where it will take me next, but I suppose that in practical terms, the time I spend writing these in the early morning will be dedicated to the book. As already mentioned, but to be overstated, I am so grateful for your attention to my writing—dedicated subscribers, looky-loos, even enemies. I thank-you for following, reading my work for what is is worth. I am grateful for your time. I will resume this Substack in September, on a weekly basis. Please adjust your paid subscriptions to suit. If you are used to reading here everyday and want to cancel your subscription until the fall, I completely understand. For those who are new here, there is a lot of material to read. The first thirty days are free, and the rest are under a pay wall, that can be unlocked with a small paid subscription. If you cannot afford a subscription, but are interested in reading an article or two, message me and I will figure out how to release a couple for you.

Waving from the end,

Mel